You are supported in your specificity

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I often work with people who want something…a new car…a  job…a relationship…a happy life…financial freedom…etc.  For the purposes of this post I will use the “relationship” scenario as we move forward.   After telling me what it is they want (or think they want) I will ask a follow up question.  Here is often how the conversation will begin,

“What do you want?”

“A relationship.”

“What kind of relationship?”

“A great one?”

“What does a ‘great one’ look like?”

“ummm…”

Then I will launch into detail questions:

Relationship with a man or a woman?  Friendship or romance?  Short or tall?  Talker or listener?  Bold or reserved?  How do you want them to treat you?  What activities do you want to do together?  What do you want them to look like?  Are you concerned about their financial well being?  Do you want someone with kids or no kids?  etc. etc.   Getting into the details can be scary.  Often it is safer to be vague because then we think we won’t be disappointed.  However, for how long have you been hiding in being vague all the while feeling the longing?  Being specific supports you in getting what you want.  You get to be clear on what you are looking for.  Your community gets to be clear on what you want.  The Universe gets to be clear on how to support you.

If you don’t even know the details of what you are looking for, what you want, then how on earth are you going to go about creating it for yourself?  Give yourself the opportunity to sit down and get very specific about what it is you want to create, immerse yourself in the details.  I invite you to even find a soft piece of music (with no lyrics) and play it as you get into a comfortable position and then allow your mind and your spirit to delve into the vision of what you want.  See it.  Smell it.  Hear it.  Feel it.  Taste it.  Really allow all of your senses to engage so that you can truly experience each detail of what you want.  When you feel complete then immediately begin to journal about what you experienced.

Then, create a list, create some affirmations and take action!

Laughing with people as they laugh at me

I recently purchased a minivan.  Though, really there isn’t anything mini about it.  This particular van my dad refers to as “the tank”.  There are several other vehicles driven by people all around my neighborhood that are bigger than my van.  It is big enough that I am grateful for the step by the doors that assists me in getting up and into the van.  Today when I was leaving the bank I stepped up onto the runner, lost my balance, fell against the open door, and barely righted myself before landing on my butt on the ground.  Of course the first thing I did was look around to see who may have seen this playout.  The bank has a wall of windows and as I looked in there were some smirks and some outright laughter as they waved and mouthed “Are you ok?”.  Yes, I was okay…if you didn’t count my bruised ego.  Ego.  Hmph!

How many of you have had something similar happen?  You trip on the stairs at school, work, the movie theater, the misplaced rug in the hotel lobby?  For how many of you was your first thought similar to mine, look around to see who noticed.  Then following up by trying to pretend nothing happened or making a self deprecating joke about your clumsiness or getting angry and yelling at someone else to hide your own embarrassment.  Why do we do these things?  Why must we feel we have to ignore what is, lessen ourself or stomp on someone else to “make it better”?  Why do we take what is a simple, innocent experience that has happened to nearly everyone and turn it into an experience where we tell ourselves we have something to be embarrassed about.  I suggest we do it because our ego tells us we have done soemthing that makes us look foolish.  Heaven forbid!  And, we will do anything to try and mask the fact that we could do anything foolish, even to our futher detriment.  Our ego often tries to “protect us” by telling us not to do things that may look foolish, that people might laugh at, not to say things that someone might think stupid, not to go for a dream because we may not be “enough” in some way.

This is the point where I say stop listening and start talking back.  Yes, I mean it.  For how many years have you been listening to your ego tell you “no” so you’ve been watching what could be your life from the sidelines?  It’s time for you to take back your life and start talking back.  If your heart is longing for something that your ego has told you you can’t have, start telling it to shut up and get out of the way.  Tell yourself you can!  Tell yourself you’re worthy!  Tell yourself you are enough!  Then get out there and take action!

If you end up falling on your butt, with your hair all askew and your soda on the ground…have a good laugh, thank the universe for the reminder that laughter is a good thing, recognize you gave someone else the gift of a good laugh, get up and keep going!

I can.

I’m worthy.

I’m enough.

I’m taking action on what I want.

A little less talk and a lot more action…

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Those of you who are country music fans are probably hearing Toby Keith singing one of his more well known refrains right now.  I was definitely hearing it as I wrote the title.

Alright, let’s get down to business.  I told you yesterday that I would be talking about the ever-present Comfort Zone!  Now, be clear, we’re not talking about your luxurious bathtub, or your favorite book nook, or your super pillow top bed.  We are talking about that invisible barrier that we erect around ourselves.  Inside this barrier everything is safe and familiar and known to us.  Often, however, the things we want most are outside of this barrier…we can see them out there taunting us as we remain safely within this wall of our own construction.

A few years ago when I was giving a presentation about comfort zones to a group of people someone made a comment that they preferred to call call their comfort zone their “familiar zone”.  When they were in their zone they were simply surrounding themselves only with what was familiar, nothing mysterious.  That thought has stuck with me since.  The word “comfort” to me conjures up feelings and pictures of lush, luxurious places and spaces, the complete opposite of what this “zone” represents.  It doesn’t seem to fit this prison we lock ourselves in.  It seems it would be more appropriate to name it the “familiar zone”, the “lazy zone”, the “okay zone”, the “mediocre life zone”, the “safety zone”.  When you are standing in your zone, knowing that what your heart longs for is outside of it, is it very comfortable?  Or rather do you feel the physical longing and aching for what you are denying yourself?  Give yourself a minute and really investigate that feeling.

Let’s talk about what could be outside of your comfort zone?  Take a moment right now and make a list…

Okay, here are some common possibilities:  love, success, confidence, money, peace, new job, fun.  Here are some other common possibilities:  rejection, failure, pain, loss, disappointment.  How will you know which one you are going to get?  When will you know if you are going to find love or rejection, success or failure, peace or pain?  What’s the asnwer?  Do you know?  Stay tuned.

Now, lots of people like to talk a big game about what they are going to do “someday”, what they are going to have “someday”, how far they are willing to risk “someday”.  People are especially willing to use “someday” (the golden word for procrastinators) when referring to doing something that is outside of their comfort zone.  Have you ever noticed that “someday” most ofen means “never”?  Or, have you ever totally hyped yourself up, “I’m going to do it!  I’m totally going to go in and ask for that raise!  I’m going to do it in three days!  Yes!  In three days I will have built up the courage to go and ask for what I want!  Heck yeah, 3 days for now I’m going to be king!!”  Then, on the third day, “Ok, I’m not quite ready yet.  Maybe next Monday would be better” and next Monday becomes the Monday after and then the Monday after, etc.  Meanwhile they are living in the limbo of “someday” content to live in the mediocrity of their zone and never knowing if the answer would be “yes” or “no” because they are unwilling to take a risk!    It’s easy to talk about taking a risk, easy to talk about taking action.  Until you actually take action you are denying yourself of opportunities, of gifts, further success and connection in your life.

So, now it’s time to choose courage and take action.  What is something outsize of your Zone right now that you want?  What is the action you are going to take to get it?  I’d love to hear from you.  Post here or email me and let me know.  What is it you want that you are taking action on?  What’s the action you are taking?  When?  What are your results?  Now’s the time…a little less talk and a lot more action!!

Are you afraid?

Have you ever realized how unsettling it is to be in fear; how your mind whirls around in chaos, your heart beats rapidly with uncertainty, your stomach flutters, your body tenses from anxiety?  It is somewhat common knowledge that your body has the same chemical and physical reaction whether you are excited or afraid.  It is widely taught that which one you experience, excitement or fear, is simply your choice based on the story you tell yourself.  I believe in this principle.

I also believe that fear is exciting in and of itself!  Now, for the purposes of this post let’s acknowledge that I am speaking of the fear that comes when you’re facing the possibility of moving outside of your comfort zone, shifting your paradigm.  That feeling of fear is, perhaps, your first and most important indicator that there is something new and mysterious before you.  It lets you know that this is definitely not the same old same old.  At this point you come to a place of choice – proceed with courage or retreat in fear.

Staying in your fear, or worse, retreating farther into it only magnifies your feelings of chaos, uncertainty and anxiety.  These feelings can begin to affect other areas of your life creating a general feeling of unhappiness, stress and fatigue.  It is tiring to survive life in the shadow of fear.

Choosing courage, however, allows you the peace in knowing that you are willing to stand confidently for what you want, taking action to achieve your desired results.  It is okay to experience fear.  Fear is what the gift of courage comes wrapped in.  What you have to decide is whether you will untie the ribbon and tear open the package to experience the fun and excitement of what’s inside, or whether you will just hold the wrapped box forever wondering what could be.

Today’s quote of the day is one of my favorites, one of my personal go-to’s when I’ve been hovering in uncertainty.  Everytime I embrace this message I am able to quiet my mind, ease my tensions and move forward with purpose in the direction I know to go in.  It is through living in courage that I am able to lie down at the end of the day exhausted, because of how fully I lived.

Here are some of my other favorite quotes in regard to courage.

“Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it.”  Lt. John B. Putnam Jr.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”  Ambrose Redmoon

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”  Raymond Lindquist

Check back for thoughts on comfort zone and what to do when you hit the wall of yours!

Do you ask for what you want, or do you stay quiet?

Have you ever wanted to ask for information but feared looking stupid, so you stayed quiet?

Have you ever wanted someone’s assistance or time but feared their rejection, so you stayed quiet?

Have you ever wanted a raise or a promotion or recognition but feared criticism, so you stayed quiet?

Have you ever wanted to ask that special someone out but feared ridicule, so you stayed quiet?

Have you ever wanted to close the sale but feared being “pushy”, so you stayed quiet?

Cowardice.  It’s one of the biggest reasons people don’t have what they want in their lives.  One of the biggest reasons you may not have what you want in your life.  It’s an ugly word isn’t it.  It generates feelings of weakness, makes even your physical being cower down in fear.

So why do you do this to yourself?  Why live in the fear of rejection, of criticism, of ridicule?  What’s the pay off that you are getting?  Oh, yes, you are indeed getting a pay off or else you would have changed your behaviors and actions by now.  Maybe your payoff is that you can blame someone else.  Maybe your payoff is that you can sit around lamenting what could have been.  Maybe your payoff is that you can sit in your self righteousness judging others who are living the dream.

Do you want things to be different?  Do you want to live the dream, or dream about life?

The most important step to take, to live the life you dream of, is finding your COURAGE.

Have the courage to ask yourself “What has been my payoff of hiding, of living in fear, of playing small?”.

Have the courage to find your answers.

Have the courage to ask for you what you want!

Have the courage to ask for what scares you!

Have the courage to ask for what you have believed is impossible!

Have the courage to take action and be willing to receive!

Then, get out of the way, and let it all come pouring in.

The lovely Audrey Hepburn has been quoted as saying, ““Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”

You are possible.  The life you want is possible.  Stop judging yourself.  Stop deciding what other people’s answers will be.

Ask for what you want!  Ask for what scares you!  Ask for what you have believed is impossible!